How to Raise Resilient Children Who Can Talk About Their Mental Health

We explore how dropping the “strong” mask, choosing sobriety, and learning the language of play can transform a family during and after separation. Jacintha shares tools for co-regulation, boundaries without shame, and building emotional literacy at home and through her platform, Happy Souls Kids.

• why sobriety opened space for healing and presence 
• drawing and play as entry points to feelings 
• co-regulation before conversation during meltdowns 
• holding boundaries while welcoming emotions 
• reparenting self to break people-pleasing patterns 
• practical scripts and rituals that reconnect parent and child 
• asking for help when parents are at capacity 
• generational healing with grandparents and extended family 
• the Happy Souls Kids app using heroes to teach regulation 
• 20-minute focused play as a daily reset

Please email: hello@happysoulskids.com to join the beta and help us reach 100,000 kids by 2027

Chapters

• 0:00 From Masking To Motherhood
• 1:08 The Decision To Quit Drinking
• 6:05 Learning To Feel Through Art
• 8:16 Play Therapy As A Child’s Language
• 13:46 Separation, Boundaries, And Self-Rediscovery
• 18:25 Coaching Emotions At Home
• 23:30 Breaking Generational Patterns
• 27:10 Parents At Capacity And Asking For Help
• 31:10 Building Happy Souls Kids And The App
• 34:40 Small Daily Connection That Heals
• 38:00 Where To Find Jacintha And Final Encouragement

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Welcome back to Mental Health Warrior and Neurospicy Mama. I'm your host, Amy, and today we're diving into a conversation that hits right at the heart of parenting, healing, and resilience. My guest, Jacintha Field, is a family and child counselor trained in play therapy and emotional regulation. She's also a single mom who has walked through the fire of separation, trauma recovery, and burnout, and come out the other side with a mission to help kids and parents build emotional literacy and resilience through her platform, Happy Souls Kids. In this episode, we talk about what it's like to hold everything together for your child while quietly falling apart yourself, the power of play when kids can't find the words, and how to rebuild a life with purpose after trauma. Jacintha shares not just professional insight but lived wisdom, reminding us that healing truly begins from the inside out. So whether you're a parent at capacity, someone navigating life after toxic relationships, or simply looking for ways to help the children in your world thrive, this conversation is for you. All right, welcome. Jay, you mentioned to me in an email that for a long time you wore a strong one mask. Can you take us back to what that looked like for you and what finally made the mask crack? Yeah. Where do I start with this?

SPEAKER_01: 1:20

Okay, so I I grew up as I was always very different to everybody else. When I was a little girl, I was always the black sheep of the family that used to think differently to everybody. And that that got squashed a lot. You know, you have an older brother and sister that used to always tell me that I was wrong about things, and I wasn't wrong. I was just, I just thought differently. You know, I just thought differently to everybody else around me. And that, yeah, that that just it was really hard as a child because I felt like I just didn't connect to a lot of people. And so that's when you start putting the masks on and, you know, being who other people want you to be, not necessarily who you want to be. And I was always a happy little girl growing up. I'd, you know, I just remember myself in this beautiful yellow dress, smiling and joking and laughing with everyone. And then that just something happened as I started to get older and I started using food as a modality to be able to suppress my emotions. And so sugar has always been a big thing for me. So I put like my mask was uh I put on a lot of weight in high school and I put a lot of weight on because I was just kind of hiding myself, and that was an aspect of myself that I was trying to hide. And so then I got introduced. I had a boyfriend when I was in high school, and so when I was 17, I got a boyfriend. He was much older than me, and we would then go out partying. So then we would use alcohol, etc., as a different modality to hide my emotions, hide my feelings, hide who I really was. And then um later on in life, um, when I became a mum, it was about 18 months into um my child, when my child was 18 months old, and I just I just said, that's it, I'm done. And I just did not want to be that person anymore. I just wanted to make decisions for myself, not fit in. I wanted to start fitting out, and that's when I made the decision to quit drinking. Now, this is almost 10 years ago, Amy, so it was not socially acceptable back then at all. You know, now it's a lot more socially acceptable that people do accept that people just make the choice to drink and to not drink. But back then, for me, it wasn't. You know, it was such a taboo subject for people, and people were quite triggered by me because of a decision that I made for myself. And I had no judgment towards anybody. Um, I think everybody makes their own decisions, everybody's on their own path. But it's almost like I was a mirror to them for things that they couldn't do. So that was one of the first times that I started taking off my mask when I chose myself and I said, it's just not who I want to be. And I just said, I I just want to be the best mum that I possibly can be for my child. And I don't want to be sick over a toilet bowl because I've drank too much. And him watching me when he when he's just a baby, that you know, that was breaking my heart. That was the first time.

SPEAKER_00: 4:00

I actually had a similar experience when I got pregnant with my son. I actually, while I was pregnant, decided to give up all extra drugs and drinking and that kind of thing, because I was like 21 and living my life having fun and decided when I was found out I was pregnant that I had to give that all up. And there is a lot of pressure, or there was. There was a lot of pressure to keep drinking and keep having fun that way. But you can have fun other ways.

SPEAKER_01: 4:26

It was a constant um conversation I would have with people is they're just like, oh, just have one. I'm like, I don't want to just have one because the one turns into the five to the ten, and that's where the issues come in. So for me, it was like saying, as soon as I got that drink, I would say, how do I want to feel tomorrow? And that was how I quit because I was like thinking ahead rather than living in the moment. I started thinking ahead to this isn't gonna make me feel very good. And that's how I quit. Good for you, that's hard to do. It was at the time. It was at the time because it was very isolating and lonely. You've just had a new baby, which is quite can be quite isolating in itself. His sleep was my priority. And then quitting drinking, people, as I said, they become triggered by you. So you don't get invited to as as many places and you don't get to, you know, have that fun, even though I'm so I have so much more fun with not drinking than I did with drinking. I love dancing, I love laughing and joking and going out and being social, but I just don't need it. I guess I got to a place in my life where I just don't need it.

SPEAKER_00: 5:23

Your priorities changed. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm sure you look at your child today and think, thank God I made that decision.

SPEAKER_01: 5:31

Oh, we are very well connected. I have a little uh he's just beautiful, my little baby. So he's um not a baby anymore, he's 11. Um, but yeah, absolutely. I mean, absolutely, I I made that decision for him.

SPEAKER_00: 5:43

Yeah, that's beautiful. So what were some of the first signs that you couldn't keep pushing through the way you were going? Like you said you mentioned that you didn't want to be getting sick in front of your child, but was there something that came up that really made you think this has got to end?

SPEAKER_01: 5:59

I had a hangover for five days. You know, I I was I got to a stage in life where our my body was just rejecting alcohol, where it was just saying to me, no, this is not who we are anymore. We've moved on from this. And it was listening into that. Like I'd get sick so easily. And it was just my body telling me um that this is not who we are anymore. You know, it's time to move on. Let's let's move on. And I've always been quite spiritual in the sense that I've I've done this work for 20 years. I saw a meditation teacher um when I was in my my drinking days, but I did it in private because it wasn't socially acceptable then um to be able to drink alcohol and um go to a meditation teacher, you know, that was so taboo. So I did it in silence and she just got me to draw and draw and draw and draw because I couldn't express how I was feeling. I didn't even know what emotions were back then. In my childhood, I did, but I was always told, eat concrete, harden up, you'll be right, get over it. I'm the youngest child, you know, it was always just come on, move on. And I was never able to feel my emotions. I was never able to express how I was feeling. My mum's great, but you know, when you're a kid and you're in that environment and it's high pressure, you know, you've got three kids, sometimes you don't have the time for your children back then. We do now because we're more aware.

SPEAKER_00: 7:13

Was it going to that meditation teacher that kind of made you listen to your body?

SPEAKER_01: 7:19

Yeah, it's that that's the first part of me being able to express myself. So in my childhood, I was shut down a lot for emotions. And this is one of the first times that I was able to express myself through art. So I was using drawing. So she'd say, just whatever colour that you need, just start drawing. And that was what I did, and that was how I started to express myself. And it was it was that was the first part of my journey to be able to really be tap into my emotions.

SPEAKER_00: 7:47

That's great. And do you think that that drawing and uh tapping into your artistic side helped you decide to get into working with children?

SPEAKER_01: 7:56

Subconsciously, Amy, actually. So I wasn't aware of this and I didn't connect the dots until many years later when I said, you know, I wanted to do art therapy and study to be a family and child counselor, but I never realized that it had come from that moment back then until until I really connected the dots. And I was like, wow, this is how I started, and now I'm starting to do this with children. And how beautiful. Um, the story of how all that came about was in 2019, 2020, we separated. My son started school and it was COVID all at the same time, and he was not okay. He was throwing bins around the house, he was running up the street, his emotions were so well beyond anything I could support at the time. So that's why I started studying to be able to support my own child and to be able to support myself and see us through that. It was so healing for me doing all of these things post-separation. And I really just got to know what children, what their language is, because they can't sit there and go, okay, well, I'm feeling really sad today, and this happened because of this, this, this, and this. That's not how a children can respond to things, but they can respond through play. So that's the modality that I studied. So to be able to understand a child's language, because children are hurting, but if they were like me in childhood where they weren't able to feel that hurt, they can't release it from their body. And so the work that I do is not just with children, it's also with parents to be able to say, hey, let's look at a new language within the household so everyone feels seen and heard and valued and everyone can have a voice. And through my own experiences, through my own life, like this is what's been created. And I've learned from some beautiful mentors over time. I had a private practice in Torquay for four years, and it was really opening up my practice and saying as soon as they walked through the front door, I want every part of you here. Every single part of you is welcome. And so that is bringing them in the door and saying, hey, you you can do whatever it is that you want to do. And you know, it this is your this is your place to heal. So it's beautiful. And I was known as the slime lady, Amy. Like a lot of kids would come in and make slime and that like self-regulation, like so many parents are like, oh, the mess, the mess, and you're like, and so I had to move through the mess myself, don't you worry. Um but that self-regulation was so beautiful for them.

SPEAKER_00: 10:11

That's so neat. I actually did parent or uh play therapy with my daughter when she was younger. She's 15 now, but when she was probably about four or five, we did play therapy. And it really, it really kind of showed me that it was me that had to change. I had to change the way I was talking to her. I had to make time for playtime of in individually with her. It really is a lot about the parents, like you said, not just the child.

SPEAKER_01: 10:39

Yeah, no, it's a connection piece. There's a lot of disconnection within the parent-child at the moment as well. So we work on that.

SPEAKER_00: 10:44

Yeah, that's great. And so tell me about um the divorce piece of this. Was that hard to go through while you were was that while you were getting sober?

SPEAKER_01: 10:55

No. So that was so my son was 18 months old when that happened, and then we separated five, six. I mean, does that pay a plot in maybe why we separated? I mean, part of, you know, I we used to fight a lot and we just weren't aligned. We just saw life very differently. He saw one life one way and I saw it another way, and and we just couldn't communicate together. Like I just did not feel feel that I was hurt or seen or valued for the way that I thought again, you know, which is a common pattern in my life. And it was really challenging. Like he he just didn't love me. You know, he he didn't love me. He didn't see me for who I was, he didn't he just didn't see me. And for the two years post-uh separation, it would be I love you, I don't, I love you, I don't, I love you, I don't. And, you know, that was really soul destroying for me. You know, it was very challenging because I I did. I loved every part of him. He was the father of my child, and I just wanted to grow together, but he didn't have those capabilities with me. So then we separated very brutally, very brutally, and that was really tough. I I think it was tough because it was kind of one day you're there and the next day you're not, like you you vanished. And it was really quite challenging for me and my son, and so we just healed. I did a sadhana practice, which is pranayama, mantra, yoga, um, and meditation post-separation. I think that was really healing for me during that time. And I mean, the separation pieces, it we could have an entire podcast just on that, Amy. It's so tough. And I'm an ex-people pleaser, and I had to learn to find my voice. I had to learn to say no. I had to learn to stand in my power. I had to, I have this. If you were ever feeling disempowered, please watch Wonder Woman. I know it sounds really cliche, but it's just the empowerment that you can feel from that movie of just like standing into your power. I had to find myself. Like I really had to find myself. And I was in a domestically violent relationship for 15 years of my life from when I was 17. And so I had just been in, I don't like the word toxic because I think everyone's on their own path, but I was in not very aligned relationships most of my life, you know, and and I I crave that that deep intimacy. I crave that connection, and I've never really found it. So I had to find it with myself first. And that's what I did, is that I started working on myself and working out why there's codependency and where that comes from and smash that to pieces and really work on all the different elements of my being that I've ever been through. And that's yeah, that's what what what I've what I've been doing for the last five years is really working out who I am as a human being. And I think that's really important to do.

SPEAKER_00: 13:35

I agree. I'm curious how you talk to your child during this time, since you have the education and know how to work with children better.

SPEAKER_01: 13:45

I just allowed him space to express his feelings and emotions. I'm just what's coming up for me now is that we were at there's just been some big times, Amy. So many just big emotional releases, and nobody ever sees that until you're in it or you've experienced it. Nobody ever sees what goes behind the scenes with kids, especially when they're so confused. Like, where's my dad? Or where's my mum? Or, you know, I'm at different houses all the time and it's confusing for them. And my ex-partner got married very quickly, had two babies, and you know, it was just a complete change that happened very quickly. And I allowed him to feel what he was feeling. We have a very open relationship in the sense that I don't shame him for emotions, I encourage them. I encourage him to speak about how he's feeling, and I can acknowledge when something's happening that is not, I know that it's not about the ice cream or it's not about the toy, or it's not about those things. I know the underlying emotions that are happening with him because I can feel them. And there's two stories I can tell. One of them we went to a park, and you know, children are very reactive when they're going through these situations. They've just very reactive and very heightened. And he was on his skateboard and he went on his skateboard and he ran into a girl on roller skates and she fell over. And the instant reaction from mum, which was mine at the time, was like, what happened? Like we've got to be careful. And he just broke down. Like that was just too much for him. He was just like, it is too much. I can't handle this. This is too much. I'm not doing this. And he just broke down, started hurting me. And, you know, we had to remove him from that situation. And, you know, it was, it was like a volcano of things for him that was happening. Like he was just like, it's too much. We moved to Surf Coast, he had to start a new school. It was just so many broken bits for him. We moved away from family, but I knew that our souls needed to be near the beach. That's what we needed. We needed time to ourselves on our own just to heal. And so the first thing I got him to do, which is really great for your listen listeners, is just like I did art therapy with drawing, that's a good one to do. But I started drawing circles on a piece of paper. And rather than saying to him, How are you feeling? Can you express how you're feeling? We did all of that. Didn't always work with him. But whereas circles, I'd say to him, Can you put the face in how you're feeling? So he would draw the face. And then we'd break it down from there. Can you tell me why you're feeling angry? Can you tell me why you're feeling sad? Can you tell me why you're feeling disappointed? So if we break it down for our children, it really helps them understand what an emotion is. Because, Amy, we expect kids to know what emotions are, but they don't. You know, like I've always read books to him. You know, I've got these beautiful when I'm feeling happy, when I'm feeling kind, when I'm feeling jealous. Like I've read them to him ever since he was little. But until you can relate what that feeling is to that emotion, you don't know what that is. And when you're working with a five, six, seven-year-old child, it takes time for them to express and understand what that feeling is. And so we just created a safe space where I would say to him, when he would have these big releases, like, I've got you, I've got every part of you. You're welcome, your feelings and your aw your emotions, they are all welcome here. Please, like, you know, mummy's here, and he'd get really angry and he'd fight it and he'd fight it. And I'm like, I'm right here with you, mate. I'm right here. And so when he's dysregulated, you can't talk to a kid when they're dysregulated. Like we hear all about breath work and meditation and all of these things, and they're wonderful modalities, but not in a moment when a child's dysregulated. They can't hear you. They're on a different planet. They are just like, they are so gone. And so in those moments, we really have to bring our kids down first. And we do that by keeping calm ourselves. So I had to learn to be reactive. I had to learn to just sit in it and breathe and sit in it and breathe. And eventually, when he could see my calm, he would feed off my calm. So it was, it's been, you know, a really tough journey. There's another story I can tell where we were in a supermarket and he wanted a particular toy, and I was like, I'm not getting that for you. And that was it. You know, it was screams, yells, you're getting this for me. No, I'm not. I'm not going to get that for you. So I had to bring him into the corner of a supermarket and he screamed for 45 minutes. He was absolutely not okay. And I just had to hold my boundary because I know when we hold a boundary, a child can push up against that and release everything that's in their body. And not a lot of people would have patience for 45 minutes, but I just knew everything that was happening to him. I knew everything that was going on for him. I felt it. I felt I f we would my ex-partner lived in Melbourne and we were in Torquay. It was an hour and a half away. And so their drive for him on a Monday morning was an hour. I'd drive there an hour and we'd have to drive an hour back. So he'd on a Monday morning have an hour and a half drive to school, like such a long time. And sometimes during that drive, he would just cry. And he would cry and he would cry and he would lash out. And so I created this little guy called Snake. And this was Snake, and it was his little friend on our drive. And I was like, Oh, I'm Snakey. And we'd just talk about it. And he'd like, you know, I'd grab his little ears and we'd just laugh and joke. And that was his friend. And then he'd say, Mummy, is Snake around? I'm like, oh, I don't know, I'm not sure. We'd have to ask, we'd have to see if Snaky's around. And so he would actually like, What do you need? And he'd like hug into him. And so he wasn't able to connect to me at that point, but I put something in between us. And I was driving, you know, it's like, you know, you've got to do these things when you're driving. And it was just this funny little thing that we had together where he really connected to himself. And so by allowing a child to feel their emotions, just like I did in the supermarket, it allowed him to release what was happening in his body.

SPEAKER_00: 19:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 19:25

And I think if we look at the feeling behind the behavior, that's when we really see that a child's hurting. And when we can to do those things for children, we can do those things for adults as well. And see that there's a just a lot of hurt in the world.

SPEAKER_00: 19:38

There is. And I know my daughter has autism and she's 15, like I said, but she um has a hard time when she has a meltdown. Like you said, she can't express what her feelings are. And I've tried everything from getting those little calming Buddha lights that flash, you know, calmness, like colors and stuff, and helping her breathe and everything. Nothing works until I learn to calm myself down, like you said. That was everything.

SPEAKER_01: 20:07

And sometimes it's not about what they're what's going on with the children. Sometimes they're feeding off our energy. So if we've got stuff going on, sometimes they pick up on that or they feel a disconnect. Like I would be like, oh, my parents don't love me. And it's like, well, they do love you. They just can't express how they're feeling. And so if we can express how we're feeling to our children, like I had a moment I've been moving through some really big stuff lately, and I went up to the park recently and I just started crying. You know, it was dark and I had my dog and my child there. And I was like, he's like, Mommy, are you okay? And I said, Darling, I'm just going through some big stuff. It's not you. I'm not, I I would don't want you to think that I don't love you or mummy loves you so much, but I've just got some stuff going on. And I think it's really important that we express those things to our kids. Because quite often in practice I would hear, I don't think that my parents love me. And that was quite common. That's heartbreaking. It is heartbreaking, you know, but that's how a child feels when they're growing up, especially if you've got multiple children and we need to really connect in with our kids.

SPEAKER_00: 21:06

Yeah, definitely. Well, in a house where my daughter has autism and I have bipolar disorder, we are big on communication. She knows to say, Mom, you're sounding a little grouchy, and I'll go, it is so not you. I had a bad day at work. Or she'll say, Mom, you're raising your voice, and I'll go, I didn't even realize that. Thanks. So I mean, we've taught each to kind of help each other out.

SPEAKER_01: 21:30

It's really beautiful that you can do that and have those conversations. And, you know, you've allowed, what's her name? Josie. You've allowed Josie to have a voice. You've allowed Josie to stand up to you and say to you, Mom, you're grouchy. You know? My son will say to me months, Mummy, you're grumpy. You need to go for a run. And I'm like, you're right, mate, I am. And they're so right in what they say. And so if we allow them that time, like parents will often say, I feel so disrespected by my child. And I'm like, but why do you feel so disrespected by them? They're like, well, you know, they they told me no or whatever. And I said, Well, if they're gonna tell you no, they're gonna tell people in later in life to say no. So you're the first person that they need to stand up to to make sure that when that when you live release them into the world that they're able to stand up for themselves. If you constantly shut them down and tell them to listen to you because you're the parent, they're gonna go out and listen to everybody else. And there's some not nice people out there that you don't want them to listen to. So the first person you need to they need to stand up to is you, and that could be very triggering for parents. So I just learned to tell parents and also to tell myself, because it obviously starts with me, is a little fist pump. Every time my son will stand up to me and have his voice, I just kind of go, All right, good. You know, he's able to go out there in the world, because that's our job, Amy. Our job is to teach our children and guide them in ways that when they go out into the world on their own, we feel safe with them being in the world. But if I, if my child didn't have a voice, I wouldn't feel so safe.

SPEAKER_00: 22:52

Right. Well, and I think that we live in a society where it's starting to change, but I'm a Gen Xer, and so especially in my childhood, it was you obey your parents and you stay quiet and you don't speak back. Um, and I think that even as I was parenting my daughter and she was having her meltdowns before she was diagnosed with autism, people would say to me, She just needs a good whipping, or, you know, she's being disrespectful. Why do you let her get away with that? You know, and that kind of thing. And it's so hard with that pressure on you, but I just kept reading all these books on parenting. And and when I found out she had autism, I read books on autism and learned how to work with her. But yeah, it's hard with societal pressures.

SPEAKER_01: 23:37

It is, but then, you know, when I stopped drinking, that was one of the first times that I said no. And when I had a child, I had to say no to my family and friends. I had a friend once say to me, just let them cry it out. And I did that for two and a half hours, Amy, once with my child. And I'm so embarrassed to say that. And I just said, This is not who I want to be, and I've never done it again. You know, I'm a very conscious, sensitive human being, and that way of living does not work for me. And so I had to start standing up to my friends with my way of parenting. And again, you get segregated, you get, you know, put into a box of whatever you are at that particular time. And it's hard. But in order to have that connection with your child, sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and you have to say, hey, he's just got a lot going on. You just need to give him some space. And I think that's important for us. But it is hard for us, Amy, to stand up to even our own families sometimes. We're told to obey and, you know, I'm the adult, you're the child, you will listen, and you will be respected. And sometimes that means not speaking your mind. And that's hard.

SPEAKER_00: 24:37

Yeah, that is hard. But I think, like I said, things are changing. I think the new generations are much more open to emotions and feelings and meditation and all those modalities that you've been talking about. Do you find that a lot of the parents that you work with need those mod modalities brought up to them, or are they already doing things like that to relieve the stress?

SPEAKER_01: 25:02

I mean, definitely. I I we talk about self-love a lot in practice. It's like, what are you doing for yourself? I'm not doing anything. Well, that's the first part that we need to change. Like you need to find something that could be a walk, that could be a cup of tea, that could be mine. I started surfing at 40 years old. You know, skateboarding or roller skating, and these were all things that made me so happy and joyous as a child. And it's finding what made you happy as a child and doing those things again because otherwise, as a parent, you become so resentful and you'll go on holidays with the family or you go on holidays with your kids, but it's not really a relaxing time all the time, you know. It's finding like little weekends that you can go away. I just booked a weekend, a weekend talke, and I just said to my son, hey, I'm just really grumpy at the moment and I just need some time for myself. And that's what I did, you know, and I had some time for myself. And I think it's really important that we find something which is an element of release for us. Boxing's been really good for me over time, that we can release our stuff that we've got going on, whether that's with a partner, whether that's with your children, whether that's with your family, friends, co-workers. You've got to have an element of release somewhere in your life that could be journaling, getting a journal and writing down your thoughts and feelings. And so it's first of all talking to the parents about making sure that they put them self first. Now, Amy, I'll ask you the question like, who do you love most in the entire world? Kids.

SPEAKER_00: 26:24

Oh, it's supposed to be myself. Yeah. Triggering, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 26:27

You know, it's triggering. Like it's it's like, whoa, if I'm not here, I can't look after everybody else around me, you know. But it the first answer is generally our kids, our family, friends, partner, parents. And we need to look after us first. And that's so important because it's like that analogy when you're in a um plane. If you don't put your mask on first, if something happens, you can't help your child. And it's that constant thing where you've got to make sure that you look after you. Well, and I also think, even though I I answered wrong. Well, there's no wrong, Amy. There's definitely no wrong here. There's just it's just a it's just a question, it's it's contemplative to think about, you know. It's like Yeah, there's definitely no wrong answers here, but it is something to think about when you say, but what about you? And people like, whoa, that didn't even enter my mind. That didn't even that didn't even I it didn't even register. Yeah. And that's how far we are behind in society, that that that we've been told that loving ourselves is selfish and we're self-absorbed and all of these things. You know, it doesn't mean you can't be caring and kind and loving to people. It just means that you you put yourself first.

SPEAKER_00: 27:34

Well, and I did try to remind myself that if I take time to meditate or time to do my podcasting, which is my love, you know, that kind of thing, um, that I'm showing my daughter that it's okay to take care of herself.

SPEAKER_01: 27:46

Yeah. Because do you want your daughter when she gets older, do you want her to put herself first or do you want her to put her family first? Herself. And that's where it starts, is that the mirrored behavior that we do with our kids now when they're younger, that's generally what happens when they when they get older.

SPEAKER_00: 28:02

Yeah, that's so true. So you were talking earlier when we were emailing um about parents who are at capacity. What does that mean exactly?

SPEAKER_01: 28:13

You know that to-do list, Amy. I don't know what it's like in America, but in Australia, like my son has things on every single night. And so the way that if I wake up and I walk the dog, get the dog's needs met, come home, make my son's breakfast, make my son's lunch, get him to school. Then I'll come home, I'll start working, I'll work from, you know, nine o'clock till three o'clock constantly as a counselor, you you're giving and you're giving and you're giving, and you know, you're constantly putting yourself out there, etc. And then you pick up your child from school, you come home, you get him some afternoon tea, then you uh go to a um an event, you go to that sporting activity, you're there, you're exhausted, you um come home, make dinner and go to bed. I mean, if you do that as on groundhog, that's just groundhog day, every single day that the same thing happens and happens and happens. You are going to get a capacity. If you don't have anything in there where it's really lighting up your soul and really lighting up every part of you, you're gonna, you're gonna break down at some point because it's just it can be exhausting. So it's just making sure that we first ask for help. I was living in Torquay for four years and my family didn't really come down that much because it was an hour and a half drive. And so I was really on my own. Um I had great friends up there, beautiful friends, but I was working full-time in practice. Um, had a I was a single mum and I am a single mum. And I did a drive to Melbourne every fortnight. The only respite time away from my son was a four-hour drive, and I had no help with the day-to-day stuff. And it was a point in my life where I was like, I am not okay. You know, like I am so stretched right now, I'm absolutely exhausted. And so that was when I made the time to to call my family and say, I think we're going to come back to Melbourne because I need some help. And that's what we did. We came back. And I think that that's one of the strongest things in life that we can do is actually say, Hey, I need help.

unknown: 29:59

That's

SPEAKER_01: 30:01

Yeah, you know, I I need I need I need support from my family. And as we were talking about earlier, Amy, my dad, you know, when we left when we left Melbourne, it was COVID. They didn't get to see my son much, obviously, during those years. It was hardcore here. It was very hardcore in Melbourne. And so when we came back, Axel was 10 years old. So he was, that's my son. He was like, you know, into building and doing all of these things. And my dad and my son are like best friends now. And my dad is so beautiful with him. Like, so it's so healing for me as a human to see how my dad is with my son. And he's learning, you know. I will say to him, he'll say, How was your day, Axel? And he'll say, Good. And I say, Dad, just say to him, could you elaborate or ask him some more questions or ask him what he liked or he didn't like. So I teach him different ways to connect to him and he understands. And he'll have these big emotional during transitions. He finds transitions very challenging. And so he'll have these big emotions. And rather than saying, Stop crying, like he will say, he will just kind of walk away and understand that he's got to have those big feelings. So the um our parents' generation, it's so beautiful now seeing how different they are with our children as they were to us. I would have got told to stop crying, get over it. And my dad's really softened with my son, and it's just beautiful. Like it's so beautiful to watch. Yeah. Yeah. And so I think that that's that's important to note as well is that our parents learn from us by mirrored behavior of how we treat our children in front of them. And yeah, it's it's like it's a generational thing. We're not just teaching our kids, we're teaching all of the people around us as well, just to show up for our kids in a different way because that's their needs.

SPEAKER_00: 31:39

Yeah, I agree. My dad is like a completely different person now. When I was a kid, it was, I'll give you something to cry about if you don't stop crying. And now he's like, he'll tell me, uh, I think Josie has had enough people time, you know, and he plays, he played Barbies with her when she was little. He would get down on the floor and play with her and just, you know, things that I didn't see growing up. And I'm just like, wow, you know, he was doing the best he could when he had me as a kid. And now that he's retired and relaxed and has more time, he really wants to be a great grandparent.

SPEAKER_01: 32:16

Yeah, and it's so healing for us, Amy.

SPEAKER_00: 32:19

You know seeing them with our children, how they weren't with us. It's beautiful. It is. Yeah, I totally agree. So in your practice, do you work with just um just children from like a young age, or do you work with teenagers or I I generally work kind of five to twelve is the space that I sit in.

SPEAKER_01: 32:40

But we are expanding to teens. So the part that I haven't told you about Happy Souls Kids is that we've actually creating an app at the moment. So I'm not so much full-time in practice anymore. We're creating an app with everything that I've learned as a therapist, and we utilize athletes to teach kids the art of mindfulness and self-regulation. I was in a practice with one of the kids one day, and this is not just athletes, it's heroes, it's people of influence. It doesn't even need to be someone famous, it's just somebody that's got a story that a child can learn from. I was in practice with one of the kids one day and I said, Hey, do you want to do some meditation? He just rolls his eyes at me, like, whatever, lady, said, You know, LeBron James meditates, and instantaneously he was excited by that. So if we can teach children, they'll see someone win a gold medal and be like, oh my God, they're so talented. And you're like, Well, yes, they are, but you haven't seen what they've had to go through to get there. And so they're the stories that we tell that sometimes that that even the people that you look up to have hard days and they have big feelings and they find it hard when they lose. And this is what they do to be able to help and self-regulate themselves. So in moments of dysregulation, parents, neurotypical and neurodiverse kids can see what what their heroes do and then use that in real life situations. So that's what I'm working on at the moment. It's called Happy Souls Kids, and we're in our beta testing phase, and so we've got um a prototype that we've got at the moment, and we're just testing things and getting feedback. So if you want to be a uh if you want to be one of our beta testers, please email me at happy hello at happy soulskids.com. And it's just a platform to be able to take it globally. We have a mission to be able to help a hundred thousand kids by 2027. So it's just I just think that that kids need so much help and connection with their parents. And so what we're building is is building that connection with parents because again, the parents are probably more obsessed with people of influence than the children are. So, you know, they can learn from them as well. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_00: 34:31

I I can't wait to see how well that does. It's gonna be great. Thank you. Yeah. And so if you could speak directly to another parent that's listening to this today, who's quietly falling apart and doesn't know how to pull herself back together or himself back together, what would you say to them?

SPEAKER_01: 34:48

I would say that you are enough that being parenting is very hard. That kids are here to trigger us, and they do. They're here to help us heal parts of ourselves that we need to be healed. So our kids can be our greatest teachers if we allow them to be. And I think that piece is really important to say that yeah, they're they're beautiful little souls that come into the world and really show us how special we are. Kids just need presents. They just want us. I always ask a kid in practice if you could have have your day from start to finish, what would it look like? And nine times out of ten, they want to be with their family. So they just want us. You know, I know some parents find it hard to sit on the floor and play games, but find something that you can do to connect together, whether that's Uno, or maybe wrestling before bed, or helping kids feel empowered, helping that connection with you two is the most important piece of the puzzle. So if you feel a disconnect, bring it in and just play together and see if your child's behavior changes.

SPEAKER_00: 35:52

Well, and I think what's important to note about that is it doesn't have to be an hour. You can start with 10 minutes of play and it makes a difference.

SPEAKER_01: 36:01

Yeah, they say that 20 minutes, there's studies that say that 20 minutes of a direct play time, not doing your to-do list, like actually sitting with a child and giving them eye contact and and that connection time, that's when things will move. Now, obviously we want more than 20 minutes, but it doesn't have to be a really longevity.

SPEAKER_00: 36:19

Right. And you can start slow and work into it. Because I think that's the thing as parents, like you said, they're at capacity and they're thinking, how do I fit one more thing in? And now you want me to play an hour with my child and I've got all this work to do.

SPEAKER_01: 36:34

Well, kids don't care if the house is tidy, you know. I know it's part of us, but they don't care about the dishes or, you know, sometimes maybe go get some takeaway rather than making things at home if that makes your job easier, just to have that connection, or, you know, make a toasty or something that's really basic and easy and do it together. Get them involved in the process of cooking. You know, if that's one of the things on your to-do list, I've got to make dinner, great. Sit down with your child and say, what should we make for dinner tonight? And involve them in the process and let them get messy. I know mess is hard, I know it's really challenging, but the healing's in the mess. Let kids make mistakes, let them get messy, because that's that's the part of what a child needs, is it's just about connection. So just eye contact, eye gazing, sitting there and actually looking at your child and doing some eye gazing is so powerful. Just not speaking, just looking at each other in the eyes and making your facial expressions. You might laugh, you might, you know, you might get sad, you might cry, whatever it might be, but just gazing and actually truly seeing your child for who that they are.

SPEAKER_00: 37:38

Wow. Yeah, that's that's incredible. I have really enjoyed talking with you today. Can you tell us again where we can find you?

SPEAKER_01: 37:47

Yeah, thank you, Amy. Appreciate you. I appreciate you so much for having these beautiful conversations. You're helping so many people. So yeah, I'm sure I speak from many that we we really appreciate you. My business is Happy Souls Kids. So happy and then Souls with an S and Kids with an S at the website.com. We're also on TikTok, Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube, and then my name is Jacintha, J A C I N T H A F I E L D. So it's a bit of a tongue twister. And so then um you can connect to me through Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, LinkedIn, all of these things. Yeah, it's you know, you're not given a rule book when you become a parent. You've got to work it out as you go. So I just want to acknowledge parents and just let you know that it's not an easy gig. It's probably one of the hardest jobs in the world. So if you're really struggling, just give yourself a hug and a high five because you're doing a great job.

SPEAKER_00: 38:36

I love that. That is great. Thank you so much. Beautiful, Amy. Thank you.